Snowcialism: You Didn’t Shovel That!

Even when you did.  Apparently, the Washington DC Police Chief doesn’t want people who dig out parking spots to reserve them.


She admonishes not the poacher who swings his car into the spot vacated by the person who put in the effort to get out and go to work, but instead scolds the shoveler.  How dare you, despite the sweat equity you put into clearing all the plow residue from a parking space, feel any slight entitlement to reap the benefits of your work?

If there is ever a microcosm of the entire political philosophy of the Marxist clowns who run that benighted crap-hole of a city, and the even bigger Marxists living there who are supposed to run our country, this is it.  In other cities, particularly northern ones, being a poacher will earn universal contempt.  It can also be a leading cause of sudden tire deflation.  And an occasional skull thumping.  I have also seen nice cars packed to the gills with snow, presumably courtesy of the person who sweated and cussed and hacked at ice to clear the space now poached.  A more helpful and realistic message from ol’ Chief Lanier would have been something like this:

@DCPoliceDept Chief Lanier: Though someone can’t technically “save” a parking space they just busted a nut shoveling, it would be wise not to be a d*ckhead by poaching the space.  And if you do, don’t be surprised if someone dents their snow shovel on your head.  #LazyPoachingBastard  #ShovelYourOwnDamnedSpace

But when lazy poaching bastards who let other people do the work for them are a key constituency, I spose you aren’t so inclined.



The Lovely DB


32 thoughts on “Snowcialism: You Didn’t Shovel That!”

  1. If you dig your car out and drive away, you’re done with that space. Don’t look back, stop thinking about it. It’s like leaving some extra time in the parking meter – a free gift to the next person who parks there. Anyone who leaves a traffic cone or whatever there to “save” the spot is out of their mind if they think anyone else is going to respect it.

    1. In other cities, where digging one’s car out is not a novelty, it IS respected. Under penalty of all I mention above, and some key work, as our humble host points out. Didn’t you see the hashtags? I mean, I made HASHTAGS!

    2. The whole thing is supposed to be an incentive to get people to, you know, actually get out there and shovel some damn snow, not some lame “pay it forward” bullshit. But, thanks to douche bags who don’t mind reaping the benefits of someones else’s work, it usually dissolves into a hatefest of personal confrontations and petty vandalism. If he ever drove a car in the snow (doubtful), I’m pretty sure Obama was the kind of person who would move a lawn-chair out of a shoveled space and park there. Because, after all, he’s awesome and the guy who shoveled that spot is probably some racist with an NRA sticker on his 4×4 (I mean, c’mon, who besides card-carrying Klansmen actually owns a snow-shovel?…)

    3. Parking spaces in DC are very hard to find when even when it isn’t snowing. Nobody would accept you reserving “your spot” if there wasn’t snow, and there’s no reason to expect them to accept it if there is snow.

      If you don’t want to dig your car out, or worry about “your spot”, then do what I did when I lived in DC — put it in a garage for the duration of the storm. Yeah, it will cost money, but you won’t have to dig, and they only have serious snow a couple of times a year anyway.

  2. As a Beltway denizen, I simply avoid the “benighted crap-hole of a city” altogether — to the maximum extent that I can. However, it is ringed by Soviet Socialist Suburbs, so “crap-hole” is relative. The hilarious part is this medium-size city want to be a city-state with two Senators and a Congressman. My solution? Give it back to Maryland and they’ll get their just representation. Besides, the Democratic Peoples Republic of Maryland (DPRM) totally deserves it.

    1. Being largely full of Democrats, it’s not surprising that they don’t know that the whole reason for creating the district was so that those people who derived their livelihoods from the federal government had no influence in the selection of that government.

  3. It is mazing what can hppen over an 8 hour period when someone has a LOT of snow at their disposal, and a hose with a spray nozzle. Spray, toss snow, wait 15 minutes, repeat.

    In really cold weather (like below zeroF) you can do this every 3 minutes or so, and get the layer to be nearly 18″ thick.

    Takes about 4 days in a heated garage to thaw.. Poachers seldom do it again.

    or so I have read. .

    1. Yeah, but then you’re out a parking space until the nimrod is able to haul off his piece of junk.

  4. I am, by your standards, a lefty socialist communist type from the UK who you think probably wants to destroy everything you stand for (!) – but on this issue I totally agree, and think this is an actual proper use for all those guns you guys seem to have stockpiled 😉 … i think that’s mostly, though, because it just isn’t cricket, chaps!

    1. The Lefty socialist communists in DC have banned guns. That is why there aren’t any gun murders in DC any more. Oh wait…

  5. I can neither confirm or deny there may be a valve stem removal tool in my possession that *could* be used to remove completely stems and flatten all fours.

  6. A comment about this from a DC bulletin board:


    You had to go somewhere. That’s why you dug out your car. End of story. Life doesn’t owe you a cookie.

    1. That person would have plenty of time to craft that message in Worcester, while waiting for the tow-truck.

    2. There’s nothing more forthright and manly than vandalizing a parked car when you’re mad at someone.

    3. I don’t think the Vernon Street crowd would care. When you have to shovel out spaces not once or twice a winter, but sometimes three times a week all winter, it is a bit different, perhaps.

    4. RE: “There’s nothing more forthright and manly than vandalizing a parked car when you’re mad at someone.”

      No argument there, but the greater issue is consequences for douche behavior. One of “Krag’s unoriginal theories for why everything sucks anymore” is the total lack of fear of consequences. This little slice of life story goes to that. Your average asshole has no fear of consequences because the law typically favors the asshole. Folks are tired of that. A healthy dose of fear, from say physical harm and/or financial loss does wonders to foster civility in the assholes-at-heart among us. We need to be a little more violent in all the small ways that matter.

      The judge that threw out the charges against Buzz Aldrin for punching that cretin gets it – some violence should not only be tolerated but encouraged to correct those that cannot control themselves in a civilized fashion. Europe is soon to relearn this too.

    5. So the proper “consequence” for douche behavior is more douche behavior?

      As Lance said in Pulp Fiction about Vincent Vega’s car getting keyed — “It’s chicken shit. You don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.”

      This does not improve civilization.

    6. You miss the point, Tarl. The response is directed at the car because most lawyers and judges show little common sense when the response is directed at the original instigator.

      The “proper” response to douche behavior is a proper thumping. Until that doesn’t get you labelled a violent offender with the chance of losing your personal firearms, the cars will suffer instead. Hence my lament that we’ve lost the ability to use small amounts of violence to encourage civil behaviour from the more douche-oriented amongst us.

    7. No, I am exactly on point. The response is directed at the car because the perpetrator is a douche – and worse than that, a cowardly douche. The proper (adult, rational, civilized) response to douche behavior is to move on with your life. The douche response is to confront the guy who “stole your spot” (even though it’s not yours at all). The cowardly douche response is to vandalize his car.

  7. I liked the response at Aces this morning.
    Took me three hours to shovel-out my car after the plows went by.

    Then I took your spot!

    That couldn’t be your car. That car has broken windows and four slashed tires…

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