Priceless stuff from the hilarious folks over at the Duffel Blog:
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — 1st Sgt. Martin Blunt has been relieved by his command for failing to keep his rifle company properly demoralized, as he refused a direct order to be a raging cock at all times, Duffel Blog has learned.
Blunt, the company first sergeant for Echo Co, 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines, was removed from his position after his battalion command lost confidence in his ability to maintain a toxic climate within his company.
“It’s like he was trying to undermine the entire command,” said Battalion Sgt. Maj. Jim Richard. “I’ve never once seen him publicly humiliate a Marine for walking on the grass or anything. I mean, why does he think we do this job?”
“I knew I had a problem on my hands when he recommended leave for a Marine and it wasn’t during one of the command approved Christmas leave blocks,” said Blunt’s company commander, Capt. Armando Verga. “What kind of leader allows Marines to go on leave outside the leave block? Next thing you know Marines will want to attend their sister’s summer wedding or their nephew’s bris or something. We need to stress to our Marines their families need to schedule that crap during the leave block.”
Blunt’s handling of legal issues were particularly alarming to the battalion’s adjutant, 1st Lt. Richard Peck.
“Every time he advised a Marine of their Article 31 rights, he sent them to legal. Every friggin’ time,” Peck said. “How the hell are we supposed to ramrod Marines into volunteering to throw away their rank and half a month’s pay if they get actual legal advice from the SJA?”