Full cost accounting – the next generation

Roamy here.  I had hoped that full-cost accounting would be one of those fads, like Continuous Improvement and Total Quality Management.  As the horse hockey keeps comin’ down the pike, I predict something like this. (credit: someone else at NASA)

To: all
From: <pottymanager@agency.gov>
Subject: Bathroom Utilization

Consistent with Full Cost Accounting practices, beginning October 1, each toilet stall will have a keypad to enter your funding code, fund, cost center, WBS, CWC, SSN, and date of birth.  The designated program will be charged $53/flush plus $10/minute dwell time.  Entering the wrong program’s accounting information may delay processing.  Please note that bathroom tissue must be checked out separately from lockers and installed and removed in the stall by the user during each visit. 

Each locker will likewise have a keypad for convenient data entry.  The designated program will be charged $11.12 for each square of bathroom tissue used, and double that for 2-ply.  Unfortunately, because we have yet to receive funding from DC, we do not expect to have bathroom tissue in any of the lockers, except in selected toilets in the post headquarters, until later this year.
You may use any waste paper available in the building for this purpose.  However, this is not considered an acceptable method of disposing of Administratively Controlled Information (ACI) or Sensitive But Unclassified (SBU) material, soon to be called Not Classified But Treated Like It Is Anyway Information (CBTLIIAI).  Please note that clogging the toilet and failure to flush may result in a fine and/or disciplinary action.

To further aid those who have a need to use the Government restrooms but who have not negotiated program funds for this use yet, there will be Anal Retentiveness Training (ART) offered soon.

Also, all personnel will be required to take the mandatory Toilet Training for Employees course, which will be offered at the training web site.  Managers will take Toilet Training for Managers, which will be held at an offsite retreat.

Your cooperation in this matter will be appreciated.

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